No Religion? Think again.

Religion is a slightly sensitive topic and not everyone is comfortable discussing it. Different people have different belief systems, but today we're not going to be talking about the believers. Instead, we'll be talking about those who say they do not have a religion. Before you start labeling me as a narrow minded Muslim extremist, hear me out. Today's blog is not about why everyone should believe in God. I am a strong believer in "You have your religion, and I have mine" (Surah al Kafiroon). Actually, this has nothing much to do with God; it's just a brain-itch I have when people say they do not have a religion.

This is not because I have come from an oppressed background and am fresh off the boat into a glamorous city life. Nor is it simply because I got head lice. No. That's not it. Let me try to explain my brain-itch better.

Every high school or university student will know and accept that their real life saver was never coffee or tea. It was Wikipedia. Even thought we were told time and time again that it is not considered a reliable source, most of us are guilty of getting information off Wikipedia and then trying to find 'reliable' sources to put down as a reference. Let's take a look at Wikipedia's definition of religion: Religion is a collection of  cultural systems, belief systems and worldwide views that relate humanity to spirituality and, sometimes, to moral values.

Now lets take a look at this picture that I got off one of those Facebook pages that are so addictive that you have to keep clicking 'next' until you have finished viewing all the 945 images:





Here's another website's (it was one of the first four sites that came up on a Google - I didn't dig too deep) defining religion: "Religion originates in an attempt to represent and order beliefs, feelings, imaginings and actions that arise in response to direct experience of the sacred and the spiritual. As this attempt expands in its formulation and elaboration, it becomes a process that creates meaning for itself on a sustaining basis, in terms of both its originating experiences and its own continuing responses."

And now let's look at another addictive Facebook page image:



See the connection? If you do, you probably get 99.9% at school. On the odd chance that you didn't, let me elaborate. Religion is basically a collection of values, morals and beliefs. So when someone says that they are not religious, but instead are spiritual or follow their own morals, that's a bit confusing because being spiritual or having morals is what religion is! You can't say you do not have a religion in that case because you actually do since that is what the definition of religion is. Even if you say you do not have values, morals or beliefs - not having them still forms a collection of not having (put your abstract thinking caps on). Therefore, nobody, despite of their beliefs or non-beliefs, can say they do not have a religion, because even not having a religion is a religion in itself!

I am a follower of Islam. For all that matters, I could say I am a follower of Hakuna Matata. I think that it's not the name of the religion that's important. It's acceptance of the values, morals and beliefs of the religion that is important and frankly, I can't think of a better title than Islam (which means peace) for what I believe in, so I will stick to it.

I should probably clarify (again) that I am not trying to promote any particular religion or the belief in God. Like I said above, we have been taught to respect our beliefs and the beliefs of others (Surah al Kafiroon). If I have offended anyone with my brain-itch, I am really sorry. That was never my intention. 

Before you say you don't have a religion again, give it some technical and abstract thought. 

Sources:

• http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Religion
• http://www.religioustolerance.org/rel_defn3.htm 
• https://www.facebook.com/pages/Clouds-In-My-Coffee/166854740007560
• https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=455333804492984&set=a.166856763340691.44056.166854740007560&type=1&permPage=1

Why I dont #$^*#!@$^*^%$^*%^

I don't swear (actually, I try my best not too). With that I don't mean the swear that refers to you promising upon God, your mother, etc. I'm talking about the "dirty language" (as my father would call it with a frown on his face); the words that are censored (most of the time) and replaced with unrelated symbols instead of letters (such as #$%&^&!$#%&*). I do get asked if I can swear, and the answer to that is yes, of course I can. Anyone can. It's just another word and as long as they can speak, they can be taught to say anything.

Anyway, there are 4 main reasons why I try my best not to swear (I actually don't have to try very hard anymore, but adding 'try my best' to that sentence sort of...completed it):


1 - Religious reasons: Islam (and I'm pretty sure every other religion as well) talks against sins of the tongue. This is not limited to just swearing; it includes gossiping, backbiting, lying, cursing and many others. We have been advised to choose our words carefully and guard our tongue. A hadith says "people are not thrown into the hell fire on their faces or noses, but due to the result of their tongues" (Al-Tirmidhi). I'm okay with NOT being thrown into a fire burning for millions of years, thank you!

2 - Social reasons: This is all about setting a good example for the younger children and being respectful to others (older and younger). It is also all about not wanting to be given the crazy eyes look and a 'nice one' from my parents. By 'nice one' I mean the sensation of extreme pain when the palm of your sri lankan parent meets your face, causing you to hear sounds similar to a thunder storm even though the weather outside is just fine.That's a pretty strong reason to NOT swear.

3 - Confused reasons: The 'art' of swearing has gotten me confused. I mean, if someone does something you do not agree with, how does asking them to go copulate with themselves, or to copulate off, make any sense?? Or if a particular person is being mean, how does calling them a female dog (extremely sexist by the way! The male dog is to be equally blamed for their actions! You cannot clap with just one hand!) resolve anything? Think about it.

4 - An equally (if not more) important reason - Dramatic reasons: That's right. Wipe that confused look off your face. I know what you're thinking: wouldn't someone aimlessly swearing left and right during all relevant and irrelevant times be more likely to be labeled as dramatic because they are, well, causing drama? Not necessarily. Since I am someone who does not swear on a regular (or irregular) basis, if I do happen to open my mouth and spill filth, admit it, would everyone not stare with their eyes wide open and hand over their mouth? If I get really mad and tell someone that he/she is a female dog and they should just copulate themselves - it would catch them off guard! They would know that I am REALLY mad and they should run away and hide for, you know, their own safety and what not. What better way to shoo away the bad guys (you might not get this last bit if you aren't Sri Lankan)?

Four main reasons apart, the REAL reason why I try not to swear is because I don't like to. As simple as that - I don't like it. It's dirty language (okay so maybe my father's words have gotten to me). I just think that there are so many other words to use to express one's self. When you think about it, swearing really doesn't achieve much, or make a lot of sense (see above: main reason 3) in many cases. There are a few people out there who choose to swear to express their emotions, and that's their choice. It's their way and I don't think it's fair for me to say "once more and I'll give you a nice one" to them.  Or is it?

Aye Macarena!

Aye Macarena! I never understood a single word they said, but I loved it! I was also proud that I could do the macarena dance so well, until this happened: on one of my birthday parties (with non of my friends but a lot of aunties and short eats) ages ago I was FORCED to do the macarena dance in front of everyone. Being the shy girl I was (and still sort of am) naturally, I refused. That's when I learnt an important life lesson: never say no to your Sri Lankan parent; especially not in front of the visitors!

I was shown the crazy eyes and threatened in a voice so low that I had to lip read what my mom was saying. I was told if I didn't do the macarena RIGHT NOW in front of everyone, I won't get to cut my birthday cake! With teary eyes, I walk very slowly near a group of aunties who smiled from ear to ear "ah, shes going to macarena now!" And I did it. I did the macarena dance throughout the entire song, all by myself, in the middle(ish, it was actually close to a corner) of a room full of aunties. I also got to blow the candles and cut my birthday cake, so peace was restored and all went well.

Now about 15 years later, the only dance I can do is still the macarena! Luckily it works for every song. It really does. Try it! You just have to vary the tempo depending on the song. 

Although at the time my mom forcing me to do the macarena in front of all those aunties may have seemed like slight torture (I still love her though), it really wasn't! All this means is that I have been trained well. So now when a Sri Lankan family comes to me with a marriage proposal, and asks me if I know how to cook, walk, dance, etc I can make them awesome scrambled eggs, walk to the center of the room, and do the macarena! Surely they will be impressed (wishful thinking)! Sigh!

Excuse the terrible outfits, but enjoy the song! Aye Macarena!

Spicy Chicken Attack

I love my mother's cooking! It might not be perfect enough for my dad, or too salty for my brother; but I find it absolutely amazing - on the days she doesn't try to kill me that is.

Yesterday was just one of those days where I was endlessly hungry. I personally would like to blame the weather (my favourite victim for anything that goes wrong in my life. It's almost always the weather's fault). I returned home almost starving.

Me: "Mama, what's for dinner??"
Mama: "Chicken"
Ma: "Yum!"
Mama: "Roasted chicken"
Me: "Great!"
Mama: "With vegetables..." - and she continued to describe her masterpiece of the evening, making me hungrier.

The timer goes off, the plates come out, and the beautiful roasted chicken with vegetables swimming in some yummy sauce is placed in the middle of the table, next to the mashed potatoes (what? You thought we'd have JUST chicken with veggies for dinner? Ppphhttt. Please. That's a disgrace to our people!). Dinner was served. I grabbed my fork, greedily digged in and gobbled a large portion of my meal (very un-lady like, I know; but hey, I was at home - and who is ever lady like at home?!). The food was delicious, until something started to happen. Something that was not so - delicious. I couldn't figure out what it was right away, so I had a few more chews. I then realized what was happening. My taste buds were dying!! Why? Because the chicken was so spicy! And I don't mean spicy as in it has some flavor in it, or spicy as in it  tingles your taste buds. NO! Its spicy as in your tongue dies, comes back to life and then dies again! Spicy as in your tummy starts making noises similar to a volcano erupting. THAT SPICY!

Me: "Ma...its...spicy"
Mama: "Spicy?"
Me: (I nod my head)
Mama: "Really?"
Me: (I nod my head with my eyes wide open to signify it is VERY spicy)
Mama: "Must be the new chilli powder"
Ma: "Huh?"
Mama: "Kashmiri"
Me: "Kashmiri chilli powder?"
Mama: "New kashmiri chilli powder. Eat it with the mashed potatoes"
Me: "But that has pepper too. It's all...just...hot"

My mom and I continue to discuss the kashmiri chilli powder, its obvious spiciness, evolution of the otherwise bland mashed potatoes and how the price of vegetables are increasing in the country (don't ask me how we got there). I consoled myself as I blamed the kashmiri chilli powder for finding its way into our house, until the chilli powder started to show different shades of red in my mother.

Mama: "You don't cook"
Me: "Huh?" (wondering why we are discussing this now, but knowing where it will end)
Mama: "Why don't you cook?"
Me: "Ummm..."
Mama: "How will you get married?" (told you I knew where this would end)
Me: "If I can't cook I won't get married?"
Mama: "Maybe he likes chicken..."
Me: "What?" (Perhaps I should start a new blog titled as thoughts of a Sri Lankan Mother!)
Mama: "And how many days I am telling you to clean your cupboard? You're not listening (to me) now, ah?"
Me: "WHAT?!"

That's when it hit me. The purchasing of a new chilli powder (that is perhaps one of the most spiciest ever) must have happened rather innocently. However, using it to cook a yummy meal for a very hungry me who has an extremely sensitive tummy against spicy food (its a shame to my people. I almost had my citizenship revoked for it) was the subconscious thinking of the secret ninja inside my chubby mommy. I have been asked over and over to clean my cupboard (I am gifted at easily finding my things in a messy pile, therefore don't really take the time to organize it. This is just at home though. At work everything is in its place. Must be split personality or something) but because I have been busy doing other things (watching TV, reading the magazine I have already read - the usual important stuff) I kept putting this chore off. Highly organized chubby mommy had enough, and without knowing it she had tried to finish me off (okay, that's it. No more trying to sit through Indian tv dramas for me. Clearly it's getting into my thinking process). Luckily, I survived the (subconscious) attack.

I still love her cooking and I have learnt my lesson. My cupboard is never going to be unorganized again (for the next month or two at least)!

I love you Mama! <3

The Four Angels

It's Thursday today - so naturally I am humming the song that's been stuck in my head for a while, smiling at everyone as I pass by them, skip a little while I walk back and forth from the printer or filing cabinet and any moment now I feel like if I break into a song and dance routine, everyone in the office will join me! The positive mood is contagious; and all this is because its Thursday. Feels almost heavenly (I am also in a mood to exaggerate apparently). Heaven. Actually, we would all be in the REAL heaven if Kipling's version of Adam and the apple was true:

As Adam lay a-dreaming beneath the Apple Tree
The Angel of the Earth came down, and offered Earth in fee;
    But Adam did not need it,
    Nor the plough he would not speed it,
 Singing: --"Earth and Water, Air and Fire,
    What more can mortal man desire?"
        

As Adam lay a-dreaming beneath the Apple Tree
The Angel of the Waters offered all the Seas in fee;
    But Adam would not take 'em,
    Nor the ships he wouldn't make 'em,
 Singing:--"Water, Earth and Air and Fire,
    What more can mortal man desire? "
       

As Adam lay a-dreaming beneath the Apple Tree
The Angel of the Air he offered all the Air in fee;
     But Adam did not crave it,
     Nor the flight he wouldn't brave it,
 Singing: --"Air and Water, Earth and Fire,
     What more can mortal man desire?"
       

As Adam lay a-dreaming beneath the Apple Tree
The Angel of the Fire rose up and not a word said he;
     But he wished a flame and made it,
     And in Adam's heart he laid it,
  Singing: --"Fire, Fire, burning Fire!
     Stand up, and reach your heart's desire!"
      

As Adam was a-working outside of Eden-Wall,
He used the Earth, he used the Seas, he used the Air and all;
     Till out of black disaster
     He arose to be a master
      Of Earth and Water, Air and Fire,
      But never reached his heart's desire! 

So us being sent to this world is all Eve's fault (clearly she's missing in this poem!)?

Oh well, this world isn't all that bad! I bet heaven doesn't have Ice Choc from Elephant house (you will not understand the high importance of Ice Choc if you or you parents have not lived in Sri Lanka as children)!! Seriously though, it's interesting to see a story that we have been told since we were children in such a different light. Wouldn't it be much more interesting if we try to turn things in the world that have a negative shadow into a more positive light? Think about it (while enjoying an Ice Choc).

 Source: http://www.poetryloverspage.com/poets/kipling/four_angels.html

Success and Toothpaste

A typical job interview normally ends with "do you have any questions for us?". Now, what kind of a question is that, and what is a smart way to tackle it? First of all, I'm not too sure about the efficiency of interviews. There are so many 'How to pass a Job Interview with flying colours' (what exactly are flying colours anyway?) tips out there that most of the responses received seem almost standard and revised, but I'm not going to go out there and challenge what could be one of the oldest and widely used recruiting techniques.

Secondly, the question itself; "do you have any questions for us?" Aren't interviewees expected to research and know every nut and bolt about the organization, job, history, geography, office supplies, pantry supplies and all other supplies before going for the interview? Wouldn't the answer generally be "no", or are there any intelligent questions that could set you apart from the crowd? Google says yes there are!

A questions that could be asked in response to the "do you have any questions for us?" question (I'll give you a moment to read that again) is: how do you measure success in this organization? Sounds like a good question. Shows you are committed to learn, grow and adapt; shows commitment and ambition. But let us broaden it a little bit: how do you measure success? In general, in life, just how does one measure success? Now, we could go on and on and on about the insides, outsides and flying colours (seriously, what are flying colours?!) of what success is and how it is to be measured, and still not reach a final conclusion. This is where we prove to be weak and unstable. You see, Sri Lankan parents are one step ahead of the entire world. They have actually been able to crack the secret code of measuring success!! How did I discover this? The answer is: Toothpaste.

The other day my mom went into the washroom complaining "does anyone in this house brush their teeth?" Translation: "We need to replace the empty tube of toothpaste". When she came out I was digging through the closet of supplies for a new tube. She saw me carry it to the washroom.
Me: Okay, found it. (referring to the toothpaste. Being able to successfully locate anything in the mom's highly organized closet is a victory to be announced to the whole world (or house)).
Mama: You're taking a new one?
Me: Ummm...yes.
Mama: I was able to squeeze out enough toothpaste to brush 2 or 3 times. (She really was able to do that!)
Me: Ummm...okay.

And this is the magical moment when the discovery was made...

Mama: *Sigh!* You will never be successful in your life.
Me: *Shocked!* What? Because I couldn't squeeze out more toothpaste from an empty tube?
Mama: *With a serious face* Yes.

So there you have it. Toothpaste. If you are able to squeeze out more toothpaste from an empty tube, consider yourself successful in life.

Success and an empty tube of toothpaste - an unlikely match, yet a highly reliable measure. Never will I, or any of you, be able to see an empty tube of toothpaste the same again.